Seriously: This is NOT Worth Reading

Ever since that Saturday w/Lemole @ TJ Murphy's I've been sucking down Jameson as if it were apple juice. This is not a good thing. It will cause problems eventually.

Speaking of shots, the other day I was stuck in traffic and as i was trying not to get angry, I started thinking about my "Shot History" and it goes like this:

High School--Didn't really get into shots. Just beer and weed.

College--After we moved to FL and started hanging out in bars (@19 we had pretty much the sweetest fake i.d.s ever created) the shots I did were your classic newbie-type shots, e.g., Yaegarmeister, Rumplminz (yuck) and Goldenshlager-the spelling, I'm sure, has been butchered for all 3. The vodka also made occasional appearances. But mostly this phase was all about the Yaeger...and this was before the bullshit "Yaegerbombs" everyone is so jacked about now.

All that Red Bull has done is make people who "don't like the tast of [insert wickedly strong liquor here]" able to drink it. And lots of it. So basically it's every frat guy's bestfriend. Red Bull's slogan is: "It gives you wiiiings!" I think they should change it to: "It gives you the courage to talk to that hot chick who you've been trying to grind on all night and it sufficiently lowers her inhibitions and judgement to that point that she will actually talk to you and maybe even go back to her or your place and have meaningless (and most likely bad) seeeeex!"

After College, but before Grad School--Owned and operated my stupid commercial cleaning business and since the hours were from like 8pm to 4am on a consistent basis, I didn't really spend much time in bars. When I did, I was just so happy not be mopping floors and feeling miserable, I'd pour anything anyone asked me to down my throat. For the most part I think it was vodka. But also Sambuca for awhile. Strange.

Grad School--Jared Bezet introduces me to the fine world of Jack Daniels and whiskey-in-general. I can't decide whether to hug him for this or throw a haymaker to his face. Spent many a night at the Legion with him putting back Woodford Reserve, Gentleman Jack and Crown Royal (is there a better whiskey? asks Chandler Bing.)

And in terms of shots, it's been downhill ever since, but always a whiskey-bourbon. Had a run-in with Early Times at my buddy's wedding in January. Who the fuck says, "Hey, for the whiskey selection let's just go ahead and get that rancid, shit-tasting, Early Times. That'll be good."
(Embaressing footnote to this experience: the reception began at like 12:30pm and ended at 4pm. As the bar is closing down, the groom's 17 year old sister is standing around with her family and I'm desparately trying not to too seem totally wasted and I begin lining up shots for her and me and Cheryl. Her parents were not happy and protested, so I begin telling her dad and mom, "She's a big girl. Do you think she's never done this before? C'mon just turn around and it will be like it never happened." This was the first time I'd ever met them and her. Needless to say it was not a smooth exit.)

Don't find yourself. Create yourself.